1/ I suffer from water retention.
2/ Therefore I retain too much water in my body.
3/ Therefore if I drink LESS water then I will reduce the water retained in my body. Right?

WRONG! What actually happens is that by not drinking enough you put your body into survival mode. It figuratively starts jumping up and down in panic and yelling out that it only has this really small amount of water left in its tanks, and that no matter what you do it isn't letting it escape. So you may well suffer from bloated ankles or wrists or legs. You will weigh more, and your hands may puff up so that your wedding ring for example may feel tighter. When this happens many people immediately reach for the diuretic tablets; when in most cases they would be better off reaching for the water bottle. This seems counter-intuitive until you realise that two things happen when you increase your water intake. Firstly, your body no longer hoards water because it has plenty of it coming in. This means that water is excreted far more quickly. Secondly, it has the effect of flushing salt out of your system which is a major contributor to water retention. So up your water intake and lower your salt intake and you will have a better shot of revealing that new slimline you to the world!

The other effect that drinking 'adequate' amounts of water has is that you will go to the bathroom a lot more. This might not seem like a fabulous benefit when viewed through the eyes of 'Friday Night - Two Pint Plus One Syndrome' i.e. you are fine for two pints, and then find yourself dutifully engaged in the bathroom after every one! However, there is a big difference between drinking beer and drinking water. With beer you may well be having a fabulous time, but be in no doubt that you are placing stress on all your internal organs. Your kidneys are acting like sieves, filtering the waste and excess fluid from the blood. Blood passes through the kidneys and is cleaned before returning to the heart. This blood is in turn getting its measure of alcohol which is a depressant that slows your heart rate and breathing and affects the part of the brain which controls your mood and emotions. And because alcohol is both fat and water-soluble, gets broken down in the body at a pretty consistent rate and affects all the organs and tissues of the body you cannot escape its toxic effects. So YOU may be having a blast, feel more relaxed, confident and sociable after a few drinks but your body certainly isn't sharing in your party.