And along the path of righteousness will contain such pearls of wisdom as:

"Only three minutes to save a life. What a start to your day!"

These people are to be avoided at all costs. Personally I always carry a vial of garlic spray to ward them off. 'Take your goodness elsewhere buddy!'. 'Its the morning. I have just woken up. Do I look in the mood to help my fellow man?' Another top tip is to buy an ice cream cone from the McDonalds you have been 'hang 'in out at' with fellow chavvers and accidentally on purpose drop some on the chuggers shoes. It's not big, and it's not clever, but it beats handing over your wallet as you get to make a hasty retreat as they wipe their Doc Martens, official footwear for pavement pounders everywhere.

Another good Chugging sport is to allow yourself to be approached by a Chugger wearing the breed designed t-shirts (red with massive yellow letters) announcing themselves as 'Save the Children'. At this stage it is imperative not to weaken and start wondering about the starving. Instead focus on thoughts of hot dogs and plenty. This will save you money long term. Now proceed to question them about the animal charity they are no doubt collecting for. Do they personally like dogs? Have they visited Battersea Dogs Home? Say to them, 'A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, “I'm look in' for the man who shot my paw!” No! No! They will say. "I am collecting for a children's charity". 'Not whippets then?' You should ask. 'I like whippets. Are you collecting for sick whippets?' If the answer is any variation on 'NO' you should move on. These are not whippet savers and should not be sucking up your precious time.

Of course there will be a part of your brain, the caring, sharing part, that thinks that you should be giving to these no doubt worthy causes. I believe it is called 'Charity', or something? Well, yes, you are probably right. But the key distinction is between giving to charity and giving to chuggers. Chugging is predicated on economics, not philanthropy. The poor hapless soul pounding the pavements with clipboard and direct debit form probably only heard of the charity that morning when they went to the job agency. And yet by the way they talk about it to you, you would think the world might possibly end if you don't hand over the readies on the spot. Not that it has anything to do with them getting fired if they don't meet their 'direct debit forms filled in' targets I'm sure. I often wake up with a burning desire to help my fellow man. I'm sure they do to.

No, the best course of action is to superglue your wallet to your leg. Plead insanity. And then visit their website and give directly. Cut out the middleman.

No chuggers allowed.

Got it?

PS - If you are feeling generous today then visit Save the Children or Save the Whippet

Copyright - Stuart Brown