An Open Letter to David Blaine

Credit - Channel 4 David Blaine

Here was our top three;

1/ Freeze yourself in a block of ice whilst simultaneously levitating on top of a pole whilst all the while not eating. (Do this for 45 days)
2/ Swim the English Channel with both hands and legs tied behind your back using only your tongue as a paddle.
3/ Walk the length of the Sahara on your hands with an open can of coke balanced on each foot and a man pointing a magnifying glass at your nipples.

These are only suggestions you understand David. Feel free to adapt them. In any case they are for the future. For the present I am at least glad that you chose a time when we are experiencing really nice weather in London. The sun has been shining for months, and I am glad that you have been here to witness it. Myself and the people of Britain are behind you. Really we are. We are not cynical about great stunts. We just generally prefer them to be 'great' before we applaud. Your box and antics might currently classify as modern art, but performance art it is not. That generally requires a "performance" of some kind, and at best you are currently making a spectacle of yourself.

Don't be precious David. Most of us have more stress every day on the London Underground then you have had in your box. And we don't get paid a couple of million for the privilege. Most of us visiting you just smile up at you in a bemused way, look at the river and go home. Some wave. The very rare one throws eggs or flashes their breasts. At the moment unfortunately they are the entertainment, and you are the sideshow. The breasts is just a bonus I guess. Face it. You seem to expect to be applauded just because you have stopped eating. Tap dance whilst you are doing it and I will be more impressed. Make yourself or the cabinet disappear and I will be impressed. Just do something that elevates the stunt above the passive and I will be back onside. I want to be amazed David, really I do.

At the very least prove to me that you have the backbone to see it through to the end and you will then at least be a man who has the courage of his convictions. That will be well worth a clap. We English do not demand non-stop razzmatazz. But we do like there to be a point. There really isn't to this. Sorry about that David. It's not that we are cynical, you haven't made us care enough for that. Still, pull off the full 44 days and I reckon you might find more appreciation for your 'art'. Show us some guts and stick it out and we will support you - however bemused we might be.

Lots of Love,

Stuart XX

Copyright - Stuart Brown