Slaphead Science: A Brief History of Baldness Cures

Over 50% of men are bald or have significantly thinning hair by age 50. Whilst 20% of women are thinning and 5% are losing their hair in clumps around the crown by the same age. Baldness is a big deal. Acclaimed journalist Christopher Wanjeck guides us in a brief history of baldness cures.

A quick scan on the Internet will reveal hundreds of products claiming to cure baldness. One of my favourites comes from an Ayurveda guru in India who recommends headstands to increase blood flow to the scalp, coupled with a herb called bhringaraj, which is supposed to counter some type of unbalance in one of the three Indian life forces. It is my favourite cure, I should add, because the guru is bald.

The history of baldness cures can be summed up rather succinctly. From prehistory to the late 1980s, nothing worked. All baldness cures were figuratively and often literally snake oil. Then came Minoxidil (marketed as Rogaine) followed quickly by Finasteride (marketed as Propecia or Proscar). These products don't grow new hair, but they prevent hair loss.

Mind you, I am not a Minoxidil salesman. I don't even view baldness as a disease that needs to be "cured." Never will you hear: "Shame about Bob. The doctors said it was the baldness that killed him. If only he kept his baldness under control." What is fascinating to me, however, is that in this age of enlightenment many continue to be lured by so-called natural ointments, massage techniques and even sillier baldness remedies all based on ageless superstitions and misconceptions about the root cause of baldness.

Blame It On Yahweh...

Baldness has always had a bad rap. Countless references in the Bible note that God will make Israel's enemies either bald and sterile, bald and confused, bald and feeble, or just plain bald. In Revelations, at the end of the world, God will render select groups of evil people bald.

You know about Samson, whose great strength was in his hair. The (bald) prophet Elisha no doubt took that story too personally, as relayed in the Second Book of Kings. On the road out of Jericho, a group of boys made fun of Elisha, shouting "Get out of here, baldy." Elisha cursed them so that "two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys to pieces." His ways are mysterious.

The ancient Egyptians were among the first to develop treatments for baldness - rancid fat from snakes, geese, crocodiles, hippos, lions, and ibexes. These were serious topical ointments; no greasy kids' stuff. The bad smell was key, for it was proof that the concoctions were working. We're still fooled by this concept today, for everyone knows medicine is supposed to taste bad. Denorex, a dandruff shampoo, prided itself with the motto "it tingles."